Dear Red Bike

Dear Red Bike,

The past month has been hard.  Really hard.  And you know all about it.  Your toddler has been struggling and it breaks this mom’s heart.  The newness of our town, our home, our baby, the people, the places, and the world has become overwhelming.  For us all but especially your toddler.  As he draws inward I can’t help but panic.  Becoming a mom was the hardest thing I had ever encountered until now.  Until watching the person I love more than anyone in the universe struggle.  Are there difficult times in life?  Yes.  Certainly.  But that doesn’t make it easy to watch.  So I scramble.  I walk on egg shells and try to be everything for him while spinning in circles and sometimes accomplishing nothing at all.

So thank goodness we have you, Red Bike.

You call to your toddler and coax him out of the house.  You give him independence and a sense of adventure.  You take him to the pond to count baby turtles.  You give him something in common with the neighborhood kids.  You glide from side to side as he becomes more confident with each ride.  And sometimes you get stashed under the stroller.  But you are right there ready to go again when he is ready.

You are just a bike.  But you saved us this month.  US.  Not just him.  Because as I upload these photos I can see that the last images I took were nearly a month ago.  And it hurts to see how different everything was in that last photo.  I know from past experience that when I put my camera down, it is likely the time that I need it most.  But I’ve felt paralyzed and lacked any urge to document our recent days.

As I sat down on the porch tonight with two glowing baby monitors and a glass of water to accompany my Advil, I saw you.  Sitting in the light.  So I picked up my camera and for a moment I felt lighter.  Tomorrow is a new day.  And although I likely won’t photograph it, I will wake knowing a bike ride will make things better.

Thank you.